


Langst Mini Fics

by gdesertsand



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Because some people really makes awesome headcanons, Character Death at Chapter 4, Drama, Drug overuse at chapter 12, Family Feels, Gen, Ideas I got but can only make short fics for it, Ideas I got from tumblr, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance needs comforting, Langst, Panic Attacks, Psychological Drama, Some of the ideas are mine, Voltron Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-10-18 10:05:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10614666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gdesertsand/pseuds/gdesertsand
Summary: Chapter 1: Inspiration:Tactical Prodigy Lance HeadcanonChapter 2: Hunk always noticed it when it comes to LanceChapter 3 (Part 1):Emotional ImbalanceChapter 4: Too MuchChapter 5: Mother Knows Best (She Lies)Chapter 6: For LanceChapter 7: Emotional Imbalance Part 2Chapter 8: Who Am I? (Requested by anon on tumblr)Chapter 9: OceanChapter 10: Old Habits Die HardChapter 11: BlankChapter 12: Overdose (Prompt A from tumblr)





	1. Inspiration: Tactical Prodigy Lance

**Author's Note:**

> (Because I keep having inspirations from the headcanons I am seeing here and there in tumblr but can’t do a full out fic. I’m just going to make mini ones. Like, really short fics. Oh! Fair warning, English is not my main language so there will be grammatical errors. Though I tried to keep it in minimum.)  
> If you have questions or (langst) requests you can ask me [@gdesertsand](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/)

_“_ _I_ _’_ _m impressed by your Blue Paladin. He proved himself worthy of his title despite being mute. I mean, it must be hard when it comes to communicating to others during battles._ _”_

Those words rang around Allura’s head ever since it left the mouth of the King she was talking to and trying to form an alliance. It was the usual routine that they had learned to live. Receiving a distress signal, answering the said signal, entering the planet giving it, forming Voltron and fighting (pushing) the Galran army away, and finally forming a treaty between Voltron and the current species of alien they had saved for the day.

For the King it was just a normal observation. She could not blame him for this was the first time he meet the Paladins.

But no matter what, the comment cut through her heart for it was another reminder on how she had failed. On how she had pushed a war to just a bunch of teenagers who were peacefully living in their own planet one night and the next they were soldiers fighting an empire who had enslave the majority of the universe. On how she tried to be professional about everything and how she tried to maintained the aura of a general…only to realized it was not just the only thing the team needed but something more.

_“_ _Humans are natural social beings. Keep us in isolation and we might go insane._ _”_

Shiro explained to her one of the common theory that the human society have. He called it “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs”.

Love, care, and feeling of belongingness are one of the factors humans needed to be assured that their life was worth living despite Earth’s harsh conditions both from the environment and the rest of the society. And those very three needs were neglected ever since Allura pushed the role of being Paladins to five earthlings.

Sure, the Paladins handle it themselves. But it still turned out that everyone was being selfish in some degree. Pidge wanted to find their family, Keith wanted to do what was right as a defender and forgetting the feelings of others when he was trying to be a capable soldier, Shiro was being a hypocrite by trying to take care of the team while purposefully hiding his own issues away, Hunk…was just trying to help and Lance was the ever self sacrificing one that they should have paid more attention.

Well, selflessness and selfishness only had a very thin line between and sometime could be seen as the same.

It was also a reminder that Allura was no perfect being and could be an easy prey from the webs of judgmentally. She just met Lance and completely assumed that the Blue Paladin never take anything seriously. It was a fault that made her blind and didn’t see the talent that Lance clearly had and was taken advantage by the enemy.

Things had never gone back to normal in the Castle of Lions. After rescuing Lance, the Blue Paladin was never the same. He mostly spends his time inside his own room, until now he had never uttered a word even once. He was not participating in any group activities and contently just chooses to stay with the Blue Lion. Sometimes they would find him being surrounded by the other lions also. Even the ever temperamental Red Lion appears to be trying to support the… broken human. It was as if, if the other Paladins could not be there then at least the lions would convey what their pilots felt for the Blue Paladin.

Lance was only comfortable in the company of Hunk and Coran. They would talk and talk with him and they would celebrate if they could make Lance to smile, even if it was a small one. If they could make Lance to do something so that he would not be tortured by his own thoughts. Though they eventually found out that Lance didn’t want to learn anything about the mechanics of the castle. He vehemently refused to learn anything that could be related to Voltron and the war against the Galran Empire.

It hurts to see that the very talent Lance had that lead him to meet the others was the very thing he had learned to hate when the Galra used his knowledge against his teammates. When the Galras gave him false information on how his tactics injured some of the Paladins to the point of no recovery.

Allura was not sure if this was a damage they could heal…or just be a festering wound forever…


	2. In which Hunk always notice it when it comes to Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: Super short)

Space could really give anyone who spent most of their time on Earth and only know about the planets within their own solar system (maybe not even all) a pang of homesickness but everyone aboard has different coping mechanism. Some of them have healthy while other were the opposite when it comes to their own.

Yeah, Hunk didn’t have the chance to say goodbye to his family (he really miss them) but as long as he was the Yellow Paladin and there were still others out there who were being wronged by the Galran Empire like Shay’s people then he still have a purpose to be here in space…with a ten thousand year old alien princess and her advisor as well as robotic lions who were alive at the same time. Maybe he always mess around the kitchen but it was his way to kill stress out of his system. And helping Pidge was an added to his list in keeping his mind busy.

But Hunk always sees, always observes when it comes to Lance.

First day outside of Earth? Hunk saw that Lance immediately realized their situation. He couldn’t go back home any time now. _They_  couldn’t go back home any time now. The reason why Lance was the last one to get up the next day was not because he had overslept due to laziness but because it took him a lot of time to accept the fact that they were no where near home. Hunk was lucky that Pidge let him borrowed their headphone when he said that Lance needed it to sleep.

There were nights where Hunk would find Lance just staring at the star maps that Coran showed him how to use. Being caught in an explosion seemed to get Lance in a much heavier mood than before. Hunk could only comfort a hug until Lance registered what he was already feeling and let it all out.

It’s okay, Hunk was there. Hunk was the only one to see.

Hunk was the only who sees.

Because Lance was Hunk’s best friend.

Lance do everything for Hunk and Hunk would make sure to do the same.


	3. Idea: Emotional Imbalance

_“Pardon me but I have a question about your Blue Paladin…was he…a victim of torture?”_

Allura and Shiro both stopped their movements when they heard the question. They both stiffened from where they were sitting when the question finally registered in their minds. Why would he ask something like that?

They landed on a planet that the Paladins dubbed as the alien version of “Avatar”. Hunk briefly explained to Allura that back in their home there was this show that centers about people that could control elements like water, earth, fire and air. This was their reasons why they gave such name for the latest planet they were trying to talk to an alliance. The people of this planet embodies the elements found in their homeland. Some were made of the four basic elements of Earth while others were new for the Paladins. Just like now, Allura and Shiro were talking to General Neal and his body was formed in a stalagmite structure but with a lava coloring.

“May I ask why you think so, General?” ever the diplomatic, Allura stole a glance to Shiro before shifting her attention back to the General.

“I’m sorry, I know my question is quite offensive but we do need to consider the mentality of your soldiers. We have previous experience about unattended situation concerning mental health.”

Shiro’s eyes became guarded when this was said. They never truly tackled the topic of mental and emotional health when they became Paladins. Heck, even him that was considered the Voltron leader always try his best to forget his obvious PTSD (something that was very difficult to do in the first place).

“I assure you General Neal that our Blue Paladin is in perfect health, mentally and physically speaking.” Shiro intervened for Allura’s sake. Though deep down he knew that there was something wrong with Lance. It was not glaringly obvious, it was more like a hunch in Shiro’s part and he has no concrete evidence for what he was feeling. For all of them, Lance seems to be happily content to where he was and whatever he was doing.

“Are you telling me that the Blue Paladin is always so cheerful? I haven’t even seen or heard him snapped on the little ones and trust me, even the kindest of us can get angry towards the unruly little ones.”

“Yes,” Allura smiled when she remembered how they, she supposed children, flocked around Lance and her Paladin gave them the attention they wanted from him, “he is always like that.”

“I hope you are not lying to me, Princess Allura. We have a case before where our people who had been victim of slavery forget that they can cry or even be angry.” General Neal stood up and walked towards the glass window where he could safely gaze down on the other Paladins. His eyes specifically landed on the subject of his question. There was something about the Blue Paladin that rubbed him the wrong way. Not the wrong way that the Paladin might be an enemy but more like a child who was trying to be brave even if in reality they were really scared. “I really hope you are not lying.” the General repeated again when he saw the little ones accidentally caught the Blue Paladin’s hair on fire.

* * *

 

Pidge knew that there was something wrong with Lance. But this knowledge was more like a gut feeling and Pidge’s logical mind could not accept such thing as ‘gut feeling’. They needed concrete evidence, quiznack they might even do the scientific process just to get a sliver of science on what was happening on Lance. No human could be so content to what they have especially if you were a human stuck in space.

Yes, Pidge knew that Lance was the type of person that needed physical effection. Something that Pidge could not really give without snapping or being high with emotions. Pidge knew that only Hunk and Coran (or even the mice) could satisfy even for a bit the physical cravings Lance sometimes needed. But as the team progress the busier each of them get and the more Lance was left by himself.

Lance could not even spar with Keith without making things awkward between them. Well, it was awkward for Keith while Lance was just plainly confused on why the Red Paladin was acting so uncomfortably whenever he was around. The reason might be what happened a week ago when Keith just exploded and the first person he lashed out to was Lance. Shiro tried to mediate but Keith was a ball of fire and Lance might be the only one to get him snapped out of it (based on the theory between water and fire, Pidge supplied in their mind). Lance just stared at them and when it became obvious that Keith has nothing more to say he beamed happily towards them and said:

“So that is where I am wrong! Do you mind showing me how it works?”

The rest of them was dumbfounded after Lance said it. The words was said with a blindingly happy smile that Pidge was tempted to put shades to protect their eyes.

Keith turned tomato red. Maybe it was because, for once, Lance kept a level head. Maybe it was because he just realized what he had done. Maybe it was because he knew he was in the wrong. Whatever it was, it made Keith to be even more awkward than before when it comes to Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be Continued o(〒﹏〒)o )  
> Oh, if you have questions or (Langst) requests you can ask me at [@gdesertsand](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/)


	4. Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance always do things too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Character Death

**Warning: Character Death**

His _Abuela_  used to tell him that anything too much could be dangerous. It was always a constant reminder for Lance whenever his grandparents visited them.

Lance assumed that his _Abuela_  meant were the things that could be consumed by the human body. By that he meant were foods, drinks, medicines, and other chemicals that could be intake but anything too much could result in some form of disease.

As Lance got older the more his _Abuela_  looked at him with sadness in her eyes. More words were added whenever she remind him about the importance of life.

“ _There is nothing bad about giving but you must learn how to take also, mi cielo.”_

For a long time...Lance didn’t understand those words. For a very long time, no matter how many times his heart was crushed, he never realized that he was doing the very things that his _Abuela_  reminded him not to do so.

Lance _loves too much_

Lance _cares too much_

Lance _gives too much_

He never really noticed this. Not until he found himself in space, pinned on the ground, inside the castle where he thought he was safe, with a sword embedded straight through his chest. His _heart._

Lance should have noticed it when the others started to have a dizzy spell when they entered the castle after a rough encounter with the druids. He should have expected that anything related to witchcraft was something you should not shrug off so easily.

But, that’s just it, right? Lance always noticed it too late.

Because Lance _loves too much, cares too much, gives too much..._

_... **and trusts too much.**_

He expected them to snap out of it. Lance could never hurt his friends even if they were under some weird spell. Fighting Hunk before when they were with the meraliens was enough experience for him. Fighting the whole team that under some control spell? Lance would never stand a chance even if he could find the courage to fight them.

His _Abuela_  was right. Anything too much was dangerous.

...Lance didn’t even learn how to take when he always give.

“Keith...’s not...r...fa..lt...”

But in the end Lance would still do things too much. Even if it would cost him his last breathe.


	5. Mother Knows Best (She Lies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fabricated memories

###  [Langst Mini Fic #5: Mother knows Best (She Lies)](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/post/160258591701/langst-mini-fic-5-mother-knows-best-she-lies)

He couldn’t remember anything before he was rescued. In all honesty, Lance’s only memory when he woke up was his own name and the next was that he was apparently rescued from the hands of the enemy. But the relief and happiness from his Mother’s face was enough for him to ask questions later.

Haggar, that was the name of his Mother. She was a well respected woman in the empire. She was the right hand of the emperor and the leader of the druids marking her as the most powerful witch the empire could offer.

His Mother was a strong woman, this he could testify with his own eyes. He may not have the memories they shared together when he was growing up but Lance knows that his Mother loves him with all her heart. The gentle caresses she gave whenever he has a nightmare, the soothing voice she use to lull him back to sleep, the sweet smiles she offer to him when he was uncertain or doubting his own memories (the facts said to him), and the patience she gave to him when he was trying to study all the forgotten information about the empire and their long time enemy ever since his captivity.

His Mother knows best.

He expressed his desire to help her once Lance was healed enough to wander alone inside the ship where they were. At first she was scared that their enemy might capture him again, force him to pilot a weapon designed to fight the empire, be forced again to fight his own people and his own Mother. Lance assured her that he would not allow them, he would never allow them to steal again his identity and loyalty.

Lance would give his everything to fight Voltron and protect the empire, to protect his Mother.

From then on, Mother Haggar allowed him to form strategies with her and the rest of the high ranking officials. Every time his Mother praised him for doing such an excellent traps, warmth would blossom inside him (and coldness at the same time but he learned to ignore it for Mother told him it was the side effect the enemies had given to him when he was under their spell).

That’s right, Mother knows best.

**Lance didn’t know that she is LIAR.**

**Lance was a prisoner with fabricated memories.**

**_She Lies…_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to request prompts to me and be added here at Langst Mini Fics, you can send me an ask [@gdesertsand](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/)  
> I'll be waiting!


	6. For Lance

###  [Langst mini fic #6: For Lance](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/post/160364031921/langst-mini-fic-6-for-lance)

**Warning: OC, a little bit AU, some grammar errors (but I tried to keep it in minimum)**

  
They were identical twins. Sometimes they act alike sometimes it was the opposite but it was fine for everyone because whenever the twins were there then it means that there would be no dull moment.

  
Lance was the outgoing and more adventurous between the two. In a young age it became apparent that he was a boy who wanted to charm his way, or at least he really like to flirt his way around. The ladies around them giggled at the attempts of a ten year old child and thought that it was cute. Lance was a great strategist also and could almost beat anyone in chess (but he never won against _Abuela_ ) and has a dream to go out in space sometime so his dream school was in Garrison. Lance also hates anything related to spooky stuff. That was why he was not allowed to rummage around his younger twin’s belongings.

  
Leo was more the silent type when the two of them didn’t act the same. He prefer reading books all day and his favorite past time was accompanying his twin (with a book). He loved literature and dreamed someday that he could publish his own novel. It would be nice also if he could retell the adventures of Lance because there was never a real dull moment when his older twin was around. He was also a fan of anything scary and has a bunch of collection of horror books, games and decorations in his side of the room that shared between him and Lance.

  
It all changes during an accident.

  
An accident that took Lance’s life away.

  
They were fourteen years old.

  
Everyone in the family was grieving but the one that they were worried the most was Leo. When Leo woke up after the drowning accident he immediately asked where was Lance because the last thing he remembered was Lance trying to get him above the surface. The moment the news registered in Leo’s mind was the time that he stopped speaking and just stared at nothingness.

  
During the funeral, all Leo could think was how much all of this was his fault. Why did he have to be bored that day? He could just find solace in his books so why did he asked Lance to go fishing? Why didn’t Leo wait for one of their older siblings or any elders at all before sailing off the ocean? Why didn’t he checked the weather first before asking Lance?

  
When Leo stared at the mirror all he could see was Lance…

  
…that’s right, Lance was still alive. It was Leo who drowned. It was Leo who was now buried under the ground.

  
The doctors said that Leo was still grieving and just in the denial stage. His mother asked how long will his son be like this?

  
_“Don’t worry, Mama. Lance is here. Lance is here.”_

  
He became **Lance**. Leo’s books were sold so that he could add it in his savings to take the exam in Garrison. Being the twin who was always with the other, Leo perfected the role of being Lance.

  
Until one day he fully believed that Lance was alive and Leo was gone.

  
When he broke the news to everyone that he passed the entrance exam of the Garrison he thought that his family would be happy for him. It was a rational thought, right? It was his dream to be a pilot after all.

  
His mother broke in sad tears before him. His sister gave him a harsh slap. His brother screamed at him and said _“Leo, wake up already! Lance is dead!”_. And his father just stared at him with disappointed eyes while calming down his mother.

  
He didn’t understand. Why were they sad? Why were they angry at him?

  
_“But…but I am Lance, right?”_

  
His brother was about to deliver a punch but it was stopped by their father.

  
_“When will you be leaving?”_ father asked him calmly once they were alone in the kitchen.

  
_“…next week”_

  
He only received a nod and the day he went to Garrison was the most confusing day for him. His father was the only one who saw him get on a plane.

  
Now, being in space and playing heroes, Lance (Leo) was now starting to question himself if sneaking out that night was really worth it. He was fighting a war with his friends and he didn’t know if he could go back home alive and in one piece.

  
He still want to know why everyone was so upset when he received his acceptance letter from the Garrison.

  
But, he could think about it later. Once he was freed from being captured.

  
Really, why did Shiro think that pairing up with Keith was such a good idea? Yeah, they were a good team when Sendak attacked the castle or during that time in Balmera but it didn’t mean that they could get along 24/7.

  
Meeting the witch they call Haggar was probably the only proof he had that being trapped in space was somehow worth it. The witch made him remember the promise he made a long time ago.

  
“Tell me what you know about Voltron, foolish Blue Paladin.”

  
He raised his head and glared sardonically towards the witch before him.

  
“Bitch, I’m Leo. And **I AM NOT** the Blue Paladin. That’s my twin brother and sadly he is not here so please leave a message after the ring-”

  
He didn’t managed to finish what he wanted to say for a surge of electricity travel down his nerves.

  
“I can recite Hamlet to you if you are interested.”

  
No matter how much pain he received Leo would be happy to have it if it means that Lance was safe. Leo was sure that when the other Paladins comes to their aid then Lance would once again come out and keep Leo company.

  
But for now, Leo would do anything for Lance.

  
_For Lance._


	7. Emotional Imbalance: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I don’t know when Part 3 will be, sorry o(〒﹏〒)o )

###  [Langst Mini Fic #3 (Part 2)](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/post/160437886331/emotional-imbalance-part-2-hunk-really-didnt)

**Emotional Imbalance (Part 2)**

  
Hunk really didn’t want to be that guy but there was just no way in earth’s core that someone, especially a human, to stay so freaking happy all the time without even a small glimpse of a frown. And no, Hunk was not talking about the kind of frown that stemmed from confusion but rather the other one that was cultivated from anger or frustrations. There was nothing that could convince Hunk that there was nothing wrong with Lance.

  
For goodness sake! This was Lance, the guy who jumped without thinking when he recognized Keith during the time they found Shiro, the guy who almost cried when Iverson lectured him about being not a good enough pilot (Oh, Iverson was still a jerk in Hunk’s book, okay?), the guy who excused himself from a party in order to cry in peace.

  
The very same guy who has an aura of sunshine and roses, day in and day out, for the past few weeks.

  
Did Lance caught a space flu? Did he eat something? Was there some kind of mind altering drinks he consumed from the previous planets they freed or helped? Was he bitten by a space insect?!

  
Hunk has so many questions but no answers at all.

  
“Ow!” Hunk had to remove his hands away from the little one he was holding when the kid sneezed and spikes erupted from their body.

  
“Careful, Hunk! The kids apparently still has minimum controls of their physical abilities!” Lance chuckled and set down the water child he was carrying. He went over Hunk and examined the fingers that were bleeding a bit, “Hm…just like a pin prick of a needle. Nothing a band aid won’t fix!” and Lance patted his best friend then resumed playing with the children.

  
Hunk frowned as his eyes followed the retreating appearance of the Blue paladin

  
Something was seriously wrong with Lance.

  
A tug on his armor got him out from his thoughts. Hunk looked to the source and found out that it was the child who accidentally hurt him with spikes. The watery eyes was enough detail for Hunk to realize that the kid wanted to apologize. With a defeated size, Hunk patted kid’s head.

  
And the kid sneezed again.

 

* * *

 

  
Lance was in cloud 9.

  
His body feels so light and it seemed that nothing could ever snuffed out his good mood. It has been weeks and not once Lance felt that he was the worst member of the team. It was like all his negative thoughts vanished after a good night sleep. At first he had assumed that it was Blue who did it so he went and thank his beautiful lion only to be met by a confused purr.

  
So it was not Blue

He didn’t even feel bad whenever the others snapped out of him! Like when Allura and Shiro lost it due to stress when Lance was trying to lighten the mood in one particular mission they had days ago. The two of course apologized to him separately and said that their behavior was not excusable despite being tired due to the multiple attacks the team was receiving from the enemies. Lance just waved them off and replied back that it was understandable to reach the end of patience when the life of the whole universe depends on them.

Lance was too happy to care that this constant positive attitude was something considered as weird in a human level.

But as they have said, things would always find away to turn the table around.

A huge explosion from one of the military buildings happened.

_“We’re under attack!”_

Lance merely laughed and whispered assurances when he ushered the children towards the Castle of Lions before making his way towards his lion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you can find me [@gdesertsand](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/)  
> if you have questions or requests for Langst Mini Fics!


	8. Who Am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is requested by anon on tumblr.

###  [Langst Mini Fic #7: Who Am I?](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/post/160464571936/langst-mini-fic-7-who-am-i)

They were inseparable even though they were as opposite as day and night.

Lance was that hyperactive kid you need to chase around the park once you left your eyes off him while Leo was that kid who was just content to wait beside their caretaker until he was given the permission to wander around (although he always stay beside Lance). Being identical twins, no one was safe from the swapping pranks of the two. Despite Leo being the shy one he could mimic Lance’s attitude to the very last drop and the same could be said to the older twin. There came a point that their parents joked that they need to find a way to check the fingerprints of the twins just to see who was who.

Everything was fun and perfect…

Until the car accident robbed the light out of Lance’s eyes and left Leo alone to deal with the grief along with the rest of the family.

Their parents were so grief stricken especially their father since he was the one who was driving that time (even though the other driver was clearly at fault in the accident). Tears always find a way to fall down on ground.

And then things just went further down. It all started that one night when Leo found his father in the kitchen and holding a glass of something Leo was sure some form of liquor judging from the smell of it. When his father looked at him, Leo knew it was the start of the shattering of his own world…or what was left of it.

_“Ah…Lance, I’m sorry I think I had enough drink for today. Oh my…I’m such a bad influence if I am letting you see drunk…”_

It’s been a long time since Leo saw the smile on his father’s eyes and he didn’t want it to be taken down. He didn’t correct his father that night.

He should have.

Leo’s parents started calling him “Lance”. If he did something they were sure that Lance would never do then their eyes would start to dim and remember that he was Leo and not his older twin.

Leo hated the tears falling down from the rest of the family.

He started to change. No more tears, no more sadness. Lance would always find a way to make everyone happy. Leo removed all his dark colored clothes. Lance loved the color blue and also wearing jackets so Leo should replace all his clothing similar to his older twin’s tastes. Lance like the beauty products shared by their older sister so Leo made it his mission to asked tips from her. Lance loved anything related to outer space and Leo read every book that Lance owned about it and more about piloting so that he could reach the stars someday just like what Lance wanted to do once they were old enough.

Lance was back. Lance was here.

_Goodbye Leo._

-/-

“Paladins! Shiro and I were talking about a new training program to be added from your usual ones.” Allura clasped her hands together and seemed proud for whatever she has to say next.

Of course like normal teenagers, they groaned in protest. Well, Keith tried to hide it but the slight twitch of his eyebrows was enough. Ever since Keith managed to find his spot with the rest of the team he found out that there were a lot of things that he could do aside from training whenever they had a downtime (blame the “Garrison Trio”).

“Now, now, this will be helpful for us so stop your complaining right now.”

“But Shiro!” Lance slumped his shoulders in defeat from where he was sitting, “The combat training, physical and with the lions, as well as the mind melding ones is enough to tire us to the bone!”

“I hate to say this but Lance is right.” Pidge moved her glasses up while Lance made a fake hurt noise in the background.

“Yeah, I think I just want to sleep or bake every time we finish our trainings. I mean, guys haven’t you get tired that while we are in the middle of something the Galra will suddenly appear then bam! Precious sleep is no more.”

“No worries! I’ll make sure you Paladins got the energy you need to stay healthy!”

“Thanks Coran, that is appreciated.” Hunk knew that arguing against Allura and Shiro was helpless but hey, there was nothing bad in hoping.

“Alright team, our added training will be about facing our fears so that the druids may never take advantage of that part of us.”

“Like a boggart?”

“Keith! You know Harry Potter!”

Lance thought it was not a big deal. Not a big deal at all since his fears was just all about his insecurities and his position in the team. He could do it. He could do this.

-/-

He could not do this.

He heard the screams of his teammates, their pleas to remove the headband specifically programmed for this occasion. But he couldn’t move, he couldn’t take off his eyes from the figure, the person wearing the same face as him, the one who was smiling sinisterly at him yet caressing his face with such twisted form of love.

_“Poor, poor Leo. Forgotten and never had the chance to live.”_

Leo…who was Leo? His…name…was…is…Lance…

Right?

_“Made to be forgotten your own identity because big brother Lance was already dead.”_

…dead?

Lance…

Dead?

_“Poor little brother.”_

Leo…was he…Leo? Or…Lance?

_“Do you know who you are?”_

“Who am I?”

Ah, that’s right. Leo’s greatest fear.

Not knowing who he really was anymore.

_“Are you the one who died that day or me?”_

_But who are you and who am I?_

Leo (Lance?) didn’t felt the headband being removed forcefully from his head. Didn’t really registered that the illusion taunting him was no more. There were voices calling his attention. Were they calling for Lance? For Leo?

Who was the one who entered Garrison?

Who was the one that became Hunk’s best friend?

Who was the one that became an honorary brother for Pidge?

Who was it that became a self proclaimed rival of Keith?

Who was it that looks at Shiro like a hero?

Who was the Blue Paladin of Voltron?

When his eyes focused he met the worried gaze of their resident Red Paladin.

“Keith…Who am I?”


	9. Ocean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …I saw that it was “mermay” and my mind gave this to me

###  [Langst Mini Fic #8: Ocean](https://gdesertsand.tumblr.com/post/160690606731/langst-mini-fic-8-ocean)

It was an old tale passed from generations to generations. But just because it was old it doesn’t mean that it was untrue. Just like history, it was a memory from the past to serve as a guide or warning for the present or future.

And Lance wondered, did their kind was already classified as just part of the fiction or were there some people out there who genuinely still believed in them? And he didn’t mean those little kids who wanted to see their fantasy dreams to turn into reality, or those ones who were wishing for adventures and that was the reason why they were actively searching.

No, Lance meant was those people who still believe that they do exist and that they have lives too and emotions just like ordinary human beings.

Maybe there weren’t anymore. They had been forgotten and just became a part of fairy tales. But it still didn’t change the fact that they were still out there. Some may be weak for they rely on the amount of their believers while some just simply continue their lives in isolation and then there were those like Lance’s family who fit themselves inside the humans’ society. It was difficult to hide their true nature but never impossible.

It was indeed an old tale and when Lance found himself in a castle far away from home…he desperately wished that the stories passed down were just a myth. But he could never really lie to himself for deep down he knew all of it was true.

_“Earth’s water is enchanted itself. This is the reason why we can live in it peacefully and protect us from humans that might harm us. It gave us the power to control our changing appearance and chance to walk on land. But everything has it cost. Only earth’s water can return us to our original appearance.”_

Lance never had gone a full day without reverting back to his merman form. Even in Garrison, for small amount of times, he let his tail just enjoyed the feeling of the water even if it was from a simple shower. Now that he was stuck in space and fighting against an empire that lived for ten thousand years? He would be lying to himself if he would say that it will just take months to finish it.

That was, if Lance had enough time to see the end of the war he suddenly participated in.

He tried the showers inside the castle, he could not force the change. The brief encounter with the Altean pool was not helpful either. Even a planet specifically for the merfolk didn’t helped him in gaining back his original form! His time was running down.

Lance was dying and he knew it.

It might be a slow process but it was happening. It felt like each day he was walking on the desert with needles under his feet. He missed the feeling of the salty waters of the ocean against his skin. He missed his tail that had different shades of blue as it went further down from his hip. He missed his friends in the ocean as well as his family. He missed the days that he would just simply swim along and against the current or exploring the sunken ships.

Lance was dying and he knew it but he never said a thing to his teammates.

He knew it was a stupid decision. What was stopping him from telling the truth to his friends? To his second family? Lance has a lot of things in his mind that would always stop him in telling them the truth.

One, even though they saw a lot of things there was this voice on the back of his mind that tells him that no one would believe him. It was common for humans to deny what they considered as not real in their eyes. His friends were too logical and the Alteans didn’t really know anything about the earth’s merfolks. It would be hard to convince Allura and Coran that their kinds were real on earth if he would be contradicted by four other people. At least that was the scenario that his mind came up with.

Two, Lance didn’t want to be a burden. This was a universal fact. His family knew this, his ocean friends knew this, Hunk knew this, and Lance was pretty sure that Pidge knew this also. He might be annoying but he never wanted to be a burden. He wanted to be the opposite of it. He wanted to be remembered as someone who contributed something and if he needed to fight a war to be useful and protect those who were important to him at the same time then so be it.

Third, saying the truth and assuming that they would believe could have two endings. One, they will go back on earth and this might lead the Galra in their home planet which means that they would drag the lives of humans in a war they were not aware of. Or two, going back to earth might mean that the other merfolks will not let him out of the ocean anymore, and that’s a possible thing to happen considering the overprotectiveness that runs through their veins. Either of the two choices was not really something that Lance wanted to happen.

So he just remained in silence about the issue where his life was literally at stake.

Lance was very aware that he was dying. The dryness of his skin was proof of this and no amount of his daily routine could hide it. No matter how much moisturizer he applied the fact that his skin was drying due to being exposed outside of earth’s water for too long was there. Being outside in space was similar to consuming daily poison for Lance. When he decided to be a pilot he thought he would never be far away from home for too long. How wrong he was for thinking such naïve things.

He was dying and he was still pushing himself to fight.

At least he was fighting until the day that Pidge was reunited with her brother. Lance was really happy for her, for all of them. There was hope for the future, there was hope for everyone.

But Lance silently accepted that this hope was not for him to touch.

The last things he remembered was falling asleep in his room and then screaming the next. From who was the answer that Lance really didn’t know.

_“Hunk, do you believe in mermaids?”_

_“Aren’t mermaids just a myth?”_

_“No they are not, silly!” Lance laughed and Hunk, who was trying to finish his assignment inside their room, stared at his friend with amusement. Lance knew that Hunk still didn’t believe him but has enough respect to let him continue, “They are out there, groups of merfolks out there. Who knows, you might already met one, my good friend!”_


	10. Old Habits Die Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has certain habits that the others was just learning to discover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set before Shiro's disappearance.

It was a habit.

  
And as they say, old habits die hard.

  
The team didn’t notice it at the beginning due to all the stuff that was happening around them. Fighting and saving the universe that lies solely on the hands of seven people was a pretty heavy thing that could fill up all their plates and the plate will never be big enough. It was maybe almost a whole Earth year living in the Castle of Lions that they finally realized what was happening.

  
It was Coran who saw it first, he passed the room of healing pods and saw Lance was there and cleaning one of the pods. Coran was about to say his gratitude towards the Blue Paladin for helping him in his chores in the castle when Lance suddenly gripped his hair and pulled at it. Coran was no idiot and he knew that Lance pulled too hard. But it seemed that it didn’t bother Lance at all for he just continued tugging on his own hair and cleaning the pods at the same time.

  
“Lance, my dear boy!” Coran finally got the voice to alert the boy and hoping to stop him from hurting himself even more.

  
“Huh? Coran? What is it?” the voice was genuine. The way Lance talked to the older Altean it was like their resident Blue paladin thought that there was nothing wrong in what he was doing earlier.

  
Well…technically Lance was not doing anything wrong…maybe Coran was just assuming…but…

  
“My dear boy, I need you to be honest with me.” Coran placed his hands on Lance’s shoulders.

  
“..okay?”

  
“…why were you tugging your hair so hard just now.”

  
“Huh?”

  
Oh. Maybe Coran was just reading too much in the situation. Of course, there was no way that Lance would inflict pain on his own body.

  
“Oh…” Lance’s face turned into one of realization and looked at Coran sheepishly, “Sorry, it’s a habit of mine.”

  
What?

 

* * *

 

  
Pidge was the second one in the castle to noticed one of Lance’s bad habits. They were all exhausted and sitting for long hours cause they were defending the castle without getting in their lions. When they finally got a break, each of them immediately took off to let go of all the stress that builded up inside them.

  
That was the time that Pidge found Lance wandering around the castle while in a position of biting his fingers. At first Pidge wanted to tease Lance for such childish display but upon closer inspection she realized that the blue paladin was not biting his nails, not the nails but the skin that surrounded it! Some of his fingers had stains of blood which only meant that Lance gnawed at it deep enough to cause some superficial wounds.

  
“Lance! What the hell?! Do you want to get infections?!” her sudden outburst caused Lance to jump in surprised and stared at her with wide eyes of confusion.

  
And then his eyes followed to where Pidge was looking and a wince broke out his face. Lance merely wiped his fingers over his pants, inspected it again, then deemed that it was cleaned enough.

  
“Damn, and here I am looking forward in cleaning my nails. Now I need to wait again. Thanks, Pidge.” she felt the pat on her head and before she could asked Lance further, the Blue Paladin was walking away from her and Pidge felt that she got no energy to chase him and start an interrogation.

  
Maybe after some shut eye she could demand answers from Lance.

 

* * *

 

  
Hunk was very aware of one of Lance’s bad habits. So whenever the yellow paladin saw.signs of this particular habit showing up.he always make sure that Lance was not making himself sick unconsciously. Again.

  
A particular mission got all their nerves frazzled for they were closer to death this time compared to the previous ones. This left an impact to all of them and they faced this realization in different ways.

  
Keith just spent his time inside the training room as usual.

  
Shiro was meditating in Black’s hangar.

  
Pidge was still spending their time looking through security footage of different videos the team managed to get from the enemy ships.

  
Hunk was baking and cooking as usual.

  
Which leave Lance alone and Hunk was there to make sure that the Blue Paladin was not going back to one of his bad habits.

  
Hunk put all the cookies he baked on a tray (this time he made sure it was all edible and safe for human consumption) and made it his mission to go into Lance’s room.

  
He was not surprised to receive a rejection from his best friend, Hunk was actually expecting it to happen.

  
“I am sorry, buddy, ‘m not hungry….” Lance mumbled from the bed he was sitting on as Hunk settled the tray in the only table like furniture found in each Paladin’s room.

  
“Lance…” Hunk took a deep breath then sighed, “you know I am not asking. I need you to eat. Your last meal was dinner last night and it is technically already noon today.”

  
Lance looked at the tray of cookies and his eyebrows scrunched up in distress at the thought of eating something in his current state.

  
“Hunk…you know I can’t. Not now…”

  
“Lance, I also know that you need to eat.”

  
Lance shook his head stubbornly.

  
“Come on, buddy. At least four cookies and a liquid pouch then I will leave you alone.”

  
In the end, Lance managed to finish the whole tray of cookies that Hunk delivered in his room once he started eating.

  
Hunk knew that Lance’s think that he would throw up anything he will consumed while in a nervous or stressed out state, thus the reason why Lance often stay away from eating when he was in such state. Hunk also knew that Lance could keep it up for a whole day until he passed out due to hunger. It happened twice in the Garrison and Hunk promised to himself that he will not let Lance continue such self destructive habit of his.

 

* * *

 

  
When Shiro saw Lance plucking his eyebrows using his fingers one morning was enough to cause the black paladin to worry over his teammate.

  
He was just patrolling around the castle (even though he was told to relax) when Shiro came across Lance sitting alone in what they deemed to call as the common room. What disturbed Shiro the most was that the Blue paladin was just staring at the opposite wall, knees were pressed over his chest, and his right hand was slowly but continuously plucking the hair from his eyebrows.

  
It was a weird thing to see, Shiro must admit, because he knew Lance valued his physical appearance greatly. To see him doing something like this that could cause potentially temporary yet long term damage was enough to cause Shiro to worry.

  
“Lance?” Shiro entered and voiced out in order to have his known.

  
“Hm?” Lance gazed up lazily at Shiro, fingers still curled up over the eyebrows.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
At this, Lance stared at Shiro incredulously. It was as if the question didn’t make any sense at all for him.

  
“Um…yeah? Why?”

  
“You were, I mean still, plucking your eyebrows with your fingers.”

  
Lance’s eyes widened in surprised and gaze up on his right hand. He immediately separaten it from his eyebrow and was horrified to see bits of hair still clinging on his fingers.

  
“Oh, quiznak, I thought I got over this habit. Got to find some mirror. See you later, Shiro!”

  
With that, Shiro was left alone and with unanswered questions.

 

* * *

 

  
Keith might be the impulsive one in their team and might also be the most socially awkward among them but even him could recognize something if it was blatantly displayed at him. They just finished the meeting about their next plans, the battle against the Galra empire was taking its toll to them and they need more allies. They need to device a plan on how to protect the planets they already saved without the Galra conquering it again once Voltron was gone and too far to protect them.

  
Most of the team filed out of the meeting room except for Lance and this caught up Keith’s attention. He looked at the Blue paladin who was sitting in his designated area, rocking the heels of his feet on the ground, and… biting his own skin. Keith watched ad Lance moved from biting the back of his hand, then his wrist, then his arm, and back to the hand again. The bite was not enough to cause bleeding but enough to leave marks.

  
Keith knew this one. He had seen it before to other people in the orphanage.

  
Lance was stressed.

  
“Hey, want to spar?”

* * *

 

They were all bad habits if someone will look at it.

  
But for now, this was how Lance coped whenever he was really stressed or nervous about certain situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! Quick note that every bad habit of Lance listed in this short fic are based on my own habits. This is how I cope whenever I am stressed and a lot of people already scold me about it, especially that particular habit of mine where I don’t eat when stressed/nervous.


	11. Blank

## Langst Mini Fic #10: Blank

Soulmate wasn’t necessarily meant that two people should be involved romantically. There were many forms of love, many shapes of bonds. There was the platonic one, the familial bond, or the everlasting friendship that none would ever be able to cut.

In their world, it didn’t matter which family you belong with or to whom you share your flesh and blood. The family tree most of the time did not meant that you share a deep connection with them. They have bar codes tattooed in their body the moment they came to life. A single touch from another would trigger the codes to change into names, it was the soulmate sign. It was completely normal for siblings not to get along that much, for them not to share the familial bond but find it to another person that was completely unrelated to them by blood.

Now, this did not mean that families do not share love to each other. They did, it was just not as deep as the soulmate bond though.

For all of this…Lance was the odd one.

He was a blank. No codes printed to any part of his body. No connection to anyone, neither romantic nor platonic.

Most people gave him pity, others scorned him and thought for all his smiles and kind gestures Lance was just a kid with a cold heart unable to love. But that last thought was a lie and those who were close with him knew this.

No one could make their Mother smile like little Lance. No one could make his brothers and sisters get along so well unless Lance was in the room. No one could make their Father laughed like there was not tomorrow like Lance. No one could make the little nieces and nephews running around to start behaving by promising all sorts of things like Lance.

So why Lance could not have what all humans have? Why he could not have that deep connection, that feeling that he could trust someone with all his heart and soul? Why he was not allowed to have a place he could truly call home?

As time passed, Lance learned to accept this fact on his life. But he prided himself to be able to support and relate to anyone physically and emotionally.

When Hunk and he met at the Garrison, Lance deluded himself that he was Hunk’s best friend. Everyone knew this was not true but hey, someone could dream and there was no rules forbidding anyone to be friends to someone that you do not share a bond with. So for all it was worth, they could pretend…

And then someone named Pidge Gunderson came to the picture. A simple handshake and the bar code tattooed on their right hand changed from a series of vertical lines to three varying sized gears. It was the time that Lance needed to stop his game.

He was not Hunk’s best friend in the first place, it was Pidge all this time. And no matter how the kid tried to distanced himself away from them Lance knew that Hunk would never give up to get closer to the person he shared a friendship bond. The soulmate mark never lies. Lance saw everything unfold before him when they were blasted in space.

Hunk and Pidge had the friendship bond. Shiro and Keith had the sibling bond.

Alteans had a different way in knowing their soulmate bonds, this was something that Coran explained to them when he got curios at the others tattoos. The royal adviser told them that Alteans, and reluctantly the Galra, shares eye contact to others and their hearts will give a beat different from they were used to. It was a magical experience according to Coran. It was just they already know if that person would be family or their significant other.

Coran and Allura shared the familial bond.

When Voltron was formed, when it was established that they were the Paladins that would defend the universe, they realized that all of them share that familial bond. All of them…

Except Lance…for he was a blank.

He learned to accept this fact.

But realizing that even outside of earth…that Lance had no one…maybe he really just have a cold dead heart all this time.

* * *

 

“Stop…stop throwing such words at me, Lance.” He knew that Keith was just tired of everything. Losing Shiro a second time was taking its toll to the Red Paladin of Voltron. From the way his eyes tried to suppress the impending water works to the way his frowns starts to be a permanent thing on his face, Lance knew that whatever would come out Keith’s mouth was something he  _must not_ take to heart. His friend was hurting. It was normal that harsh words would be thrown out.

“ _You do not understand **anything!**_ ” Lance saw the way Keith curled his hands in an attempt to control his anger. He was not far too lost to start throwing punches then, Lance would consider this a plus. “ ** _You,_**  of all people in this…this war ridden universe!  **You!** Do not understand what it  _feels!_ What  _all of us feels right now! **You are a blank!**_ ”

The moment those words escaped Keith’s mouth Lance knew that the other immediately understood what he said from the way his eyes widened in shock to the way his mouth hanged open in disbelief. Lance knew that Keith did not meant it, it was just emotions talking right not. It was enough for Lance. Those words did not hurt him anymore for it was the truth.

_~~Lie~~ _

“Lance…I…”

“It’s alright, man!” Lance shoved his hands on the pocket of his jacket. He plastered an assuring smile to calm down everyone in the room that started to be filled by a stifling awkwardness, “We all miss Shiro, Keith. You are not the only one that is hurting right now. You said it yourself. Hunk, Pidge, Coran, and Allura are worried about Shiro too. We are a team. Just because we are looking for a new pilot doesn’t mean we are giving up on our leader.”

No one missed the way Lance deliberately erased himself from the picture.

* * *

When he was a little child his Mother used to remind him about something from the very day that Lance could understand what it meant for being a blank.

_“The heart will always yearn for a home. Just because you do not have a mark does not mean that there are no people out there waiting for you. Just wait my little ocean, my sweet, sweet star. The day will come where you will find your home.”_

At first he thought it was just words to make him feel good. To erase the bitterness he was feeling whenever he saw the bar codes adorning the body of his siblings and nieces and nephews. It never crossed his mind that those words carry a whole truth.

It was a brief moment, a short encounter during their fighting against Lotor’s soldiers. But there and then…Lance knew that he found what he was looking for all this time.

The way those female Galra stopped for a moment, their eyes widening in recognition, the way they started to try to make distance between Lance and the rest of the Paladins, and the way they tried not to hurt the newly Red Paladin of team Voltron…Lance knew…he now knew…where he belonged.

The female Galra that appeared to have a ‘head tail’ (or as how Lance dubbed it in his head), grabbed him by the arm and started running away from the rest of the team. Of course the others chased after them because in a grand scheme of things, Lance was still a Paladin of Voltron up to this very moment.

_But the heart will always yearn for its home_.

* * *

Lotor was surprised at the extra baggage his generals brought back to him. At first he thought that they brought a prisoner with them, a way to hinder Voltron from following them. When he voiced such thoughts it was the first time that the women around him openly growled,  _growled_ , at him and started to form a protective circle around the Paladin they brought with them.

He merely scoffed at the blatant display of disrespect against the Prince of Galra Empire. Nevertheless, he still walked forward until he was in front of the Paladin.

“Removed your helmet. I want to see the face of the person whom my soldiers brought to me.”

And then he met a pair of blue eyes that he never thought would make his heart beat unlike before. So that was why….

Lotor smiled at the Paladin and ruffled his hair.

“Welcome aboard, little brother.”

* * *

Who knew Lance had a bit of Altean genes in his body and that he shared a familial bond with Lotor and the rest of his generals?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know…I will really appreciate to know your thoughts about my writings. I need to know if I should continue writing the ideas in my head, if there are people out there who wants to read my stories…cause honestly…not knowing what people thinks about my works just make me sad.
> 
> So, which among my fics you want to be updated:
> 
> Playmates  
> Langst Mini Fics  
> The Alternates  
> or one of these prompts given to me a very long time ago: 
> 
> A) Lance overdosing. Accidentally or otherwise. Maybe he just can’t sleep so he takes a few more than usual
> 
> B) Sniper Lance… but this time as a prompt?
> 
> C) Lance doesn’t feel an emotion and everything he shows is just an act. Like when he sees someone sad he thinks “I should comfort them, right?” or something like that.
> 
> D) Lance over hears the team talking bad about someone and him having insecurity thinks it’s about him and leaves before he could hear they were talking about Lotor. As days go by lance starts freaking out over every mistake he makes and one day he just breaks down and the team comforts him. (when did I received this request prompt?)
> 
> E) lance has this god like ability that kills any living thing by touching with his bare hands. He didn’t know that he could do this and always thought it was just bad luck (the deeper he loved the faster the death was) until he touched his first love. After that whenever someone says jokingly ‘die’ he gets really pissed and angry. Because of this he tries to stay happy all the time and cherishes all lives. And when one of the paladins almost touched his bare hand he cried
> 
> F) Lance shutting himself out to the team and they are trying to help him but he doesn’t want to be helped because it makes him believe that he’s weak if he’s helped
> 
> G) What if they are trapped in illusions where they must insult the other paladins to escape it (but not real paladins, they insult imaginary ones). So everyone picks one thing and says it to the fake paladin like a bad cook, horrible social skills, etc.. but Lance refuses because he knows what it’s like for family to hurt him and he doesn’t want to hurt his space family.
> 
> H) I would like to see some blue lion angst in which Lance actually rejects Blue. Since the bond cannot be forced, Blue can’t do anything but wait. Idk, I’m just throwing out ideas. Lance might want to go home or it could relate to the Garla~
> 
> I) just wondering if you could do a Blind!Lance thing-a-majig?
> 
> J) Lotor challenge Voltron to a gauntlet where he pits the Paladins against his strongest warriors until Lance challenges him to a game of wit, personally. Lance bests Lotor and Shiro has to drag him out after the entire army descends upon them…
> 
> Send me an ask which one you want to be updated and majority vote will win.


	12. Overdose Prompt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said: Idk if your taking prompts but Lance overdosing. Accidentally or otherwise. Maybe he just can’t sleep so he takes a few more than usual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: I am not medically knowledgeable about panic disorders and drug overdose so don’t take this seriously. So there will be Panic attacks and drug overuse in this fic. And some grammatical errors.

Being a teenager of thrown into an intergalactic war and trained as a soldier hands on could really do some damage to a person’s mental health. When Hunk managed to overcome his anxiety as months passed the opposite happened to Lance.

He  _panics_.

At first it only happened after each missions. Lance would have some sort of sign for himself and at times like this he would hide inside his room and let it passed away. Sometime he would hide inside Blue but ever since Lance started piloting Red he didn’t have the courage to go back to his old Lion or to ask for the companion of his new one. He still thought that Red only accepted him was because Keith was in trouble that time and just settled with the other person who knew how to pilot a Lion of Voltron properly.

So Lance let himself shivered under his blanket or until he passed out.

He didn’t want to be an inconvenience to others.

But still secrets could not always stay as secrets.

They were having their usual dinner together as a team when it happened. Lance thought it was just a bit hotter than before inside the dining area because Coran told them that he was fixing their thermo regulator for it received some damage during the previous battles. So Lance didn’t pay much attention when he felt lines of sweats sliding along his skin. He talked and put his opinion here and there when the others started their discussions about improving their battle formations now that three of the lions have new pilots.

Then Keith stopped talking when he glanced at the spoon Lance was using.

“Lance? Are you okay? You’re…trembling.”

“W-what?” Lance knew that his smile was shaky and he  _knew_  that his whole body was quivering, “I…I can…can’t…” he attempted to stand up but that little motion caused him to spill all the contents of his stomach.

Someone screamed but Lance did not care anymore about his surroundings. Air…he needs  _air._  He needed oxygen to flow in his body and fill his lungs. He needed this feeling of uncontrollable fear to  _go away_.

There was a tapping motion and Lance felt whatever it was hitting his chest lightly. He followed it, tried to match his breathing patterns to it. Until finally,  _finally,_  he was able to get the much needed air…and lose consciousness out of sheer relief.

It started as chain from then on. There were times it would hit Lance during training and worse, during missions. Thankfully those missions were not serious ones. Still, it was a dangerous thing to have in the middle of battle. What if it happened when Lance was rescuing prisoners? What if it happened when he was supposed to be the backup of one of his teammates? What if someone died because he was busy having a  _damn panic attack?_

Panic Disorder.

That was what Coran called it when Allura finally addressed Lance’s situation privately. Honestly, Lance did not know why Allura made it a private conversation between the three of them when the rest of the ship’s occupants already knew it? Lance knew how frustrated it made Keith or maybe even Pidge to have a teammate that was more like a liability instead of a capable soldier. Still, he indulged the Princess and their Space Uncle.

Coran said they could concoct some medication for Lance to take in order to control it. He said a lot of stuff that flew over Lance’s head and he just nodded when Coran told him it might take a while to find the correct chemicals and proper dosage to suit human biology so in the mean time…all of them just need it to do the traditional way. And that was without the help of medicine for some time.

The first time Lance took it, it was like the weight of the world was finally lifted up from his shoulders. He sighed in relief that night and for months of interrupted and nightmare filled sleep, Lance finally succumbed into the sweet embraced of slumber.

He started taking it at night before he went to sleep. Then once became twice when he started taking it in the mornings too especially when a pesky nightmare slipped through the barrier of sweet rest. He was relaxed, although a bit slower than before, during trainings and missions. Not slow enough to be a hindrance but content enough not to let fear have a grasped again on him.

Twice became thrice.

Coran was forced to take away Lance’s stashed of the pill bottles. He could still remember the disappointed yet sad stare that the older man gave to the medicine dependant Paladin that was him. Coran told Lance that he was slowly becoming addicted to the euphoria the pills were providing him and he would not risked Lance to go to a deep end.

So then the medicine was carried by others except for Lance.

It was a horrifying stage of withdrawal for Lance.

He needed it. He wanted it. He  _craved_  for it. That was the only thing that gave him a peace of mind in this frightening stage of war that he did not asked for in the first place. That was the only thing that makes him of use around others. That was the only thing that formed a wall between him and a monster of despair.

It was wrong and he knew it but Lance still used the opportunity when the castle was under attacked to sneak inside Hunk’s room. He knew Hunk enough to know where the Yellow Paladin would hide Lance’s medicine inside his own room. Hunk would always,  _always_  put it under his bed. Predictable, yet no one would assume it at first for they would think that Hunk would hide something somewhere inconspicuous for Hunk was a genius engineer after all. So Lance swiped a bottle and joined others in the fray of battle. Not before popping two pills on his mouth though.

And so they boarded the ship. Lance and Pidge went to the control room while the rest fight outside. He had provided cover for the brain of their team while Pidge was extracting data after data that would be of used for them. But as Lance spilled Galra blood and destroy machines the more the familiar crippling feeling started to crawl around him.

This was not supposed to happen.

This was not  _supposed to happen._

He was lying on the floor, Pidge was screaming at him for sure judging from the way her mouth opened and her eyes being clouded by the same panic that was killing Lance the longer it deny him the oxygen he needed. And then there was something that pricked his skin and oh…

_Oh…_

 

Pidge injected something on him. Seems like Coran gave the others a liquefied version of his medicine just in case of something like this…

Wrong move though…Lance just taken the pill version a few minutes ago and it was a higher dose from before and adding what Pidge just injected straight to his bloodstream…he needed to apologize a ton to their Green Paladin.

That was…if….he…can…fight…the…drowsiness…

Pidge’s horrified screams accompanied him into his dreams.


End file.
